Experiences of divine beauty 1

 In many times during my life, often during seasons of intense suffering, I have experinced what I as a Christian would call the presence of God. In these blog posts I would like to retell some of these experiences 


It was June 2021 and I was on a retreat at a large how beside a lake. The large backyard had a firepit, a dock, all manner of lake related accessories, and a beautiful view where the sun set over the water. I was there for a summer internship I had taken with a Church in richmond. It was a very large church and I was one of a total of 17 interns. The weekend retreat was meant to be an opportunity for us all to hangout and build connections before we ventured into the difficult work of youth ministry together. While the trip was a lot of fun, I couldn't help but feel a lingering anxiety in the back of mind, throughout each game we played and small group time we shared. I didn't feel ready. While part of me did genuinely want to serve at this church, I knew deep down I was using it to run away from many of the problems I was experiencing in my home life. Was a really prepared for mentor 12, 8th grade boys? Was I ready for the long hours and the low pay? Was I ready to be a role model despite all the problems going on in my life? 

Towards the end of the retreat we had a time of prayer, but I didn't feel long enough. I knew I needed to pour out my heart to the Lord, and truly express my laments. Out on the dock, I fell to my knees, and felt the cold water on my skin. I looked out at over the landscape. It was dark, but there was a faint reflection of the moon glimmering in the water. The trees went on for miles across the other side of the lake. Faint noises of crickets and bugs sounded like a beautiful symphony of nature. I was in awe. It was at this time that I felt a prompting deep with in my spirit. A question from the psalms jumped to my mind.,"What is man that you are mindful of him" from Psalm 8. In that moment I truly wondered the same question that david in the bible had asked all those years ago. And so I asked God and waited. The beautiful landscape me feel so small. Like a speck of dust in a massive world, full of far more beautiful and important things than me. As I continued to wait I was taken into a visionary like state. I saw the 6 days of creation, and the care the God had put into crafting the world. After everything was in its place, I saw God breathing life into dust and creating Adam. As I looked up towards the treeline that arced up towards the sky I heard a voice whisper to me. "Not even the highest of mountains were made in my image". Just then it made sense more the first time. The beauty of all of creation was not meant to make me feel insignificant. It was exactly the opposite. Like a mother who prepares the perfect room for her Child while she is still pregnant, God had made the world beautiful as a sign of his love for me. Not even the grand oceans, highest mountains, or brightest stars were more beautiful than me. I was special to him, and the pinnacle of his creation. In that moment I truly experienced the affection of my creator in a way I hadn't before, and I left that encounter with a sense of peace that rested on me. That night gave me the strength I needed for a very difficult summer that was to follow. It taught me to be motivated by the beauty of God, and empowered by his affections for me


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